I hate you!

I will not answer the phone when you call, even though I want to talk to you. I will not call you even though that’s all I want to do. I will not reach out even though if I miss you. I will not tell a soul even though I see your dreams every night and day!

I will call you names!
I will make you cry!
I will make you hurt!

I will be mad at you. I will drive you away because I am afraid I might lose you and I will get more hurt. I will not allow you to hurt me. I have built a wall all around me. I am afraid if I let you near you will find a way to touch my inner self.

I need your constant attention, your reassurance but I will act with indifference to them. I will be jealous when you give attention to others and I will get mad if you ignore me. I will feel close to you and let you into my inner circle one day, only to get mad at you.

I am mad at you, please don’t let go of me.
I hate you, please don’t leave me.
I despise you, please don’t please don’t forget me.